I never did realise I had over 200 posts. Nevertheless, I'll stop. It's like metamorphosis. When you grow old enough, you realise...You'll have to stop some things, eventually. You'll burst out of your chrysalis, to emerge as a butterfly or a moth for that matter. And for me, this is it. I've grown really tired of this. It makes me...I don't know.
I started out in Sec 1, with the Charmed background if you remember. There were happy times, there were nasty ones. In a new environment, I guess I couldn't deal with sort of being betrayed, or not being in control. And when my closest brethren turned around to ridicule me, I retaliated. Wasn't quite nice with my SCORPIA-saturated mentality. And it was clumsy too, jumping from url to url...Deleting all my posts...Everything...An indefinite hiatus.
Sec 2 was much more fruitful. I guess the writing vibe just settled on me again and all my pent-up verbosity just flowed right out, in the form of my posts, and a semi-porno fic. Funny, my writing then seemed immature, yet the style so much more sophisticated. I would write. I would cry. I would seethe. I would glare. Music made up for much of my mood. And writing became a norm.
Sec 3 was...unexpected. I came back from another short hiatus, with my posting frequency increasing exponentially as the year developed. It was ups and downs all over again, when I expected nothing of the sort after I thought I had left 2f behind me. My posts lost coherence and had words like "lol" and "crappy" my Sec 1 self would never have allowed. Then there were the poems. Something I never did try but just came right out. All induced by emotion, just that the better ones harboured more. It was interesting to see how my writing became more and more decadent as my vocabulary slowly eroded and how my strong sarcastic front mellowed into the persona of a dying Juliet. Funny how spring turns into fall. When the floral femme fatale evolves to become the Queen of May. I just became less and less sure of myself. Ha, and I don't know why. I thought as I grew to have more friends, to talk more, to have the courage to speak up, shouldn't I have ascertained myself in cyberspace as well? I just became more faceted I guess. With more people, there was a need for more identities. And my blog became an outlet for more than just one writer.
Sec 4 me still is quite the same. Just that I'm not as weak I would say. Or have I grown weaker? But I can't fathom how the expelling of everything from my head everyday just makes me less and less cheerful. Is this how it's supposed to be?
I don't know. But I know this has to stop.
Yours fatefully,
Yao Nian.
Bottomline is, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON TO WORDPRESS MY BABIES!
Dark Memories[5:31 PM]
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