Dark Garden

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas. Highlights:
1)My mum made spaghetti since she felt like it.
2)My uncle gave us some turkey. Yippee since my mother doesn't know how to make turkey, my aunt makes it and gives us some every year.
3)I went entertaining my cousins from Malaysia at the swimming complex. That would include lazing around the so-called river, singling out some unfortunate individuals and giving them names(That was fun, had a nice laugh with my sister), teaching my cousins how to swim and spotting my Gift of Reading buddy.
4)Went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. Yes, dim sum for Christmas dinner. Oh I discovered Xiang Pian tea tastes so much better than Pu'er.
5)I finished by buffs/debuffs/auras list for my newly-created hero Censere, The Telepath - http://forums.dota-allstars.com/index.php?showtopic=193639
6)Went looking for songs from Ella Enchanted and fell in love with "It's Not Just Make Believe" instanly.
7)Chatted a little with Guo Xin, exchanged a FEW phrases with Lester.

Fine, so I'm some bitchy slutty whiny little sissy. After yesterday's incident in dota, I guess I'm public dota enemy number two (after kwang ming). Yes, I like leaving games. Especially when my teammates are horrible or when the opposition is too strong. And of course, when my teammates refuse to cooperate (Most of the time I'm just play horridly) and when I sense that there is no point playing on. Let's see...Lester hates me. Si Heng probably does now. Weize...Maybe, I hope not. Jun Bin probably thinks I'm more bitchy, whiny, slutty etc etc. Keng Whye probably thinks I have some problem very like Kwang Ming's. Plus Si Yuan, Si Heng's brother, may start to want Si Heng to withdraw from Hwa Chong as a schoolmate like me may have very dire negative influences on his precious brother. Not that I'm being sarcastic.

Well of course I am! Anyway, I do feel a little bad...That's a little folks! A LITTLE! Jiasheng's right...I'm good at heart...Am I? I won't commit such petty crimes like throwing tantrums with Weize...Nor Jiasheng, Zhenyang or Junjie...Maybe...Lester's not that close a friend? Or he's listed in the stereotypical boys list...I just tend to throw tantrums around such "boys". Well, hello? Refer to my last post! I think my self-defense mentality is starting to become integrated in me...I want to portray myself as somebody not to be trifled with and well...Trying to show that I hold power...I may appear cold and unfeeling in front of those "boys" like Lester...Maybe if we become better friends, warm up more...Will I then be myself. I want to be myself. As much I hate to say this, I'm a hypocrite. I act in front of most people...Acting's just in my nature...I act to achieve my means, for first impressions, even when I'm with friends...It's not very exhausting but I know I must carry this facade of a thousand faces forever, as much as I hope to be myself, entirely.

One last thing to note, Merry Christmas!

Dark Memories[11:23 PM]

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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Just finished watching Star Awards 2007 on Channel 8 and then, Channel U. Why? Because silly Mediacorp has to maintain it's standard of television and thus must going according to the tight schedule of news at 10pm. Hence, the poor hosts, actors and actresses had to rush through everything at the end so as to make it in time for the Channel 8 10pm news. Fortunately, there was the sort of make-up continuation of the Star Awards. Something more informal, like a party show where they start interviewing the actors and actresses. Well, something to take note of would be that Yvonne Lim got the award for best leading actress. Excellent! I loved her role of the psychiatrist. She murdered people using hypnosis, whereby she would convince the person under the influence of hypnosis that death was the only solution, resulting in her victims taking their own lives. Wonderful isn't it? Leaving no trace at all! Except that the victims were her always her patients. Other than that, I loved it! So congratulations to her for getting the award! I didn't really watch the 10pm continuation as I was watching a replay of Chen the Holy Knight. In case you don't know who he is, he's a dota character. And dota would be defense of the ancients, a game I started in term 3 this year whereby one controls little figures to kill and destroy left and right, resulting in my failure of Mathematics. I compared it to my playing and well, I was just downright stubborn and horrid. So I'm trying to practise. Fancy that? But I will get better. I must.

Dark Memories[11:05 PM]

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Friday, December 14, 2007

Fang Hui's been really great...Sharing his...ah, insights with me. And well just a few minutes ago, he shared a blog! No, not his (Although he has one! I'm doing free advertisements!) but Arivan's. Hmm...Yes, Arivan Shamugaratnam from Proed in Hwa Chong...who just happens to be the son of our beloved Minister for Education. First thing Fang says: "now u might not have tot polevault would have literary talent" And I got directed to our darling Arivan's blog. The source of "literary talent"? Apparently our little polevault prodigy has been delving into the realm of poetry. Not that his poems are that flowery (Are they at all?)...But they're like Fang said, quirky. But one was really...Impressive...I guess for his age. Anyway, it's glad to see a tracker (technically fielder) start on poetry. Hey! No surprise! His mother told me that for her boys, their emphasis during the earlier stages of life were music and French, (Who knew? But Mrs Shamugaratnam speaks French! Well!) until Sports came...Who knows...Maybe soon we'll have jumpers reciting shakespere as they focus and visualise to cross the height. Quite impossible I know. I still stand by my stand - We can all live harmoniously and be all happy together. But we just don't mix. Arts and Sports...They just wouldn't, won't and never will be together. But nevertheless, we co-exist. For that is the best arrangement...No? As for those who are stuck in limbo...Neither here nor there...We are the shadowed ones...And that would be me...

Limerence. I remember when I first encountered this word - Courtesy of Jiasheng. And well I have a confession. After you could publicise the "scandalous" stuff haha...I guessed I had to pluck up my own courage. To answer your questions once more. The conversation we had on the 30th April 2007. You're always so seemingly omniscient...You were first to notice how troubled I was and actually asked. I'll answer you with the truth. Yes...My troubles involved emotions, more specifically, of limerence. I'm sorry I lied...Or half-lied. True...The fan-fics had the infatuation effect. But yes...Troubles involved limerence and yes, my social life. Ha! You were sharp and will always be. I thank you for asking on April once more. But I've made up my mind. No more limerence. Just focus on improving myself. If there's one thing I learnt so far in life, it's that life is never fair, you'll have to make it. And I plan on just doing that. This time, there'll be no distractions...

Ivy: Now, now darling...You're Isley...Pamela Isley? Poison Ivy? Lust is power! You cannot be affected yourself! No emotions! Emotions weaken you!

But Ivy...You may be Poison Ivy...But you're still human...And humans have emotions...Whether they like it or not...

Dark Memories[8:35 PM]

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Monday, December 10, 2007

Finally an update. Yes yes...I'm pretty dead huh? But there isn't much to blog about during the holidays is there? Come to think of it, I prefer school to the holidays now. It's funny isn't it? Don't you find yourself bored to death during the holidays and desperately trying to find something do? And yet, during school days we groan about homework and having to go to school. It's scary how we humans adapt so fast. Give someone a pay rise and soon they'll complain that the pay isn't enough. Just a little time and we start to take things for granted. Ha, ain't that cliche.

Speaking of school, a few days back I went to ask joshlim@hotmail.com why his msn nickname was Joshua. The reason, well, Josh in class is Joshua in my essays. However, this Joshua apparently didn't even know what 2f was when I asked him if he was Josh Lim from 2f. Maybe it's just the genuine Josh feigning ignorance or maybe I've got the wrong guy. So when he asked what 2f was, I just randomly said double fallacies as it was the first phrase that came to mind. And I started to think about the last two years. How it all started in orientation when I was praying fervently for someone I knew to be in my class until the last day of school this year when we had the bowling activity. I remember myself being conservative at the start of last year and making instant enemies of Josh, Jun Xiang, Zhi Hao and gang in term 1. How they would mock me in class or not and laugh when I was doing a presentation. No doubt I shrank more, refusing to raise my hand to answer questions unless called by the teacher. After all, that is me. Fortunately, I wasn't alone or I think I would have cracked. Wei Ze did much to help and well...I realised my class had nice people. And after the whole of last year, not bad...At least I'm not picked on anymore. But life was kind of fugitive-like with track and field. I remember trying to avoid people from polevault to escape training. Plus, French shielded me from Monday and Wednesday trainings. I set my mind on going for Tuesday and Thursday trainings but they lasted for about a week before they were scraped. And I dreaded going on Saturdays. The excuses I would come up with just to escape...Haha not to mention Wei Ze who would try to persuade me to skip training. I tried quitting in May but no, that Chen the defiled dog didn't allow it. And sung kah kee was utterly powerless. And I think he didn't want to do anything anyway. I ducked and slinked back till August until Ang threatened to send me to Chen (And he would probably try to pressurize me with his persuaded creeps into accepting track and field). And I took Ang's advice. Look for the principal. Excellent idea he gave me. He was going all "I won't let you quit. Unless you go see the principal and he says you can then I have nothing to say." Well it worked. And I was out of track! And after the whole of last year, hey, life in Hwa Chong's not bad.
I do have friends or who I think are friends even if opinion is unrequited.

And this year - 2007. I fear I wasn't as low profile as last year. I was infected by Poison Ivy fever and well I still am infected. I went about Secondary Two easier. No more avoiding, slackened more, mixed more. And the class emerged as something no longer fearful...Something...closer I suppose. As much I hate to say it, Josh isn't bad at heart, he's just has a clownish and infantile mindset, an all-rounded figure, surprisingly quick wit and is a little...Spastic? But aren't we all? I remember myself going mad at the end of term 2 when the results were released. I remember myself devising weapons to use in class all for the sake for defense against people in class who would pick on me. (*cough*and some offense*cough*) There weren't many though...Hey! There was only Marcus! I remember trying to find a substitute for tear gas and I ended up using pepper. Only it wasn't potent enough. And I went crushing the dried pepper flakes Pizza Hut provided into powder and blowing them into the eyes of others. Si Heng was the first one that received the full blow...And I truly am sorry...But hey! I found out it worked. But it was too much of a hassle opening the container, pouring some onto my hand and then blowing it. This was proved when I spit on Si Heng, he spit on me and I failed to blow my chili powder in time. So I mixed the chilli with water and poured the mixture into mini plastic aerosols. Unfortunately, the flakes would jam the aerosols as they weren't soluble. Plus, the mixture would go bad in a few days. So I went on, determined to make myself feared. I remember reading a cloze passage in an assessment book titled "How to deal with bullies". There was a part that said "If someone pushes you, push back or you'll be showing that you're afraid". So I set out on reading up poisons, specifically the most readily available - Plant poisons, since chemicals were beyond me. I had already started in term 1 of this year, the Biology ace sparked my interest in plant poisons. So I tried finding dumbcane but failed because my parents forbade it. I settled on needles then after I lost my compass. I admit it was kind of funny, chasing Si Heng around with the compass. And then I was using needles in Term 3. Marcus would think twice about strangling me. However, the fiasco with Eng Chuan brought an end to the era of needles. I was defenceless...Until I realised I could wield natural weapons that were part of me. I sharpened my nails that I liked to keep long and voila! I could keep almost anyone at bay. I hereby apologise to anyone in class that suffered the wrath of my nails. Especially Jian Yi and that got swiped multiple times on the arm, Lester who had two bloody lines on his neck and Marcus who got a shiny red line on his hand. Marcus kind of deserved it since he was irritating me and then started assaulting Jiasheng but that's not the point. Of course, vovinam helped a lot. In case you're wondering what that is, it's a Vietnamese martial art I learn from Monsieur Levet and the Ministry of Education Language Centre. However, term 4 made me rethink everything. Jiasheng was right, the class isn't bad. Si Heng isn't mad. Sorry for poisoning your drink twice. But I warned you about it. Jatropa and Oleander. Both were fatal poisons...Josh isn't fat. My god, did I type that? I got dumbcane in term 4 but I decided Josh was a good guy after all. And sitting with Zhi Hao, I discovered he wasn't a retard. He was pretty clever. He was just a little too curious and lacking in the attention and situational awareness departments. And he made a great friend to have. Well, I miss everyone now. But it's too late for that isn't it? Next year, it's sad we won't have a class or so says the school management. I think that's pretty unwise though. Don't we need the camaderie? Well at least now I can play dota with Lester, Keng whye and the others...Though, I don't think I should grow too attached...But I must thank the class for all that I have benefited from it. Thank you for making me a better person and I won't forget every single of the individuals regardless of the separation. I can only make the best of what's going to happen and look on optimistically. C'est la vie, non?

Dark Memories[2:50 PM]

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Monday, December 03, 2007

I felt like opening this old blog which is still protected my Zhenyang's password haha. However much I like the idea of publicity, security is still imperative. Hey! Look what happened to our darling Jie Xuan from 2G! So even if it will be a tad more inconvenient...The password stays. This blog shall be my daily life kinda blog...Just the yadda yadda from everyday while my other essay blog will still be there for essays. I haven't gone to updating stuff in the blog etc since I don't have as much time as in Secondary One (Yes, dota) so I'll be doing the linking and stuff and new tagboard later. But if you want to be linked just drop a message in the tagboard and I'll link. That's all for now. So long!

Dark Memories[9:51 PM]

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