Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Theron's recent post just wrenched my attention from my respiration notes.
We talked with Mrs Chen today about mental disorders after Biology. Me and Kevin. I made a joke to Darren after she left, saying I should look for her to ask about any disorder regarding an addiction to murder.
I wonder about how I say I want so many people dead. At times I mean it. At times I don't. But after reading Theron's post, I still remain myself on the issue of who I think deserves to die, but it's the matter of taking people around me for granted that shook me.
Funny, but the person I think I take for granted most is my grandfather. Someone I claim to love the most. Maybe it's because I've gotten used to him now that he's moved into my house and I don't say goodbyes or blow kisses anymore when I leave my uncle's house. Or that he can no longer walk out to buy me meals while doing groceries, together with the occasional chocolate or ice-cream. Or maybe the incessant cries for company and attention that I treat so lightly after more than a year of pestering. But I merely greet him everyday now, though he is the only person I greet, but still that's a far cry from how I would try my best to make him smile.
No more time perhaps? Overwhelmed by the tirade of academics, leisurely fun and social interaction...Somehow or rather I've forgotten someone that I still hold the closest to my heart. I may want some people around me to die left, right and centre. But certainly not my grandfather. I can still remember the spells I've cast in a charmed craze to prolong his and my grandmothers' lives. Charms and the like. Together with the yearly greeting of good health. And when I would address him as a Chinese emperor, bestowing upon him thousands of years to live. Not to mention my priority want in any prayer or birthday wish.
I wonder when my spells will wear off, when life finally takes its toll on him. I don't know what will happen.
Except that I'll cry. Cry more tears than I ever have in my entire life.
Dark Memories[9:32 PM]
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