Dark Garden

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I have just realised that I failed 3 tests.

1) Math
2) Chinese
3) French

This is just déjà vu all over again...I didn't prepare for Math properly because everything was procrastinated due to the accursed Econs project and English presentation which we didn't get to present still. I could have studied during the weekend...As for Chinese, I didn't learn the format and all so I was cramming like 5 minutes before the test. It must have helped a lot...I know I'm failing...But then again if it's an essay...I'll never get A2...FRENCH! CURSES! CURSES! 72.5 URGH! My very first A2 crap! Broke my own A1 record...Just when I recently indicated to count my French for EOY results...It's just sad...And if I get that over-sized amphibian for Orale this year...I'll lose my A1 entirely. Oh and speaking of French, Madame Harry-Villain is leaving this June for France...What a loss for MOELC...She's such a wonderful teacher, responsible for my French foundation in Sec 1. Without her...I'd probably not understand half of the syllabus. I'll have to go see her to bid her farewell. Sigh...

I received my Blue Belt 1st cap ribbon and certificate yesterday when I finally attended Vovinam after missing like...Crap...4 lessons? And yea Monsieur Levet was saying that he could see from my kicks which were DEPROVING that I needed to practise more. The last thing I need now is to become less deadly. So I'm going to attend my trainings! PUNCH KICK KILL! Well not that soon yet. It's more of a safety measure. You never know when you need to retaliate, do you?

I was such a failure today. We were supposed to complete an expository in 1 hour. I managed to slack with Kevin and Darren until like the time to submit our expositories. An hour had passed but I barely wrote like one and a quarter pages? And Darren somehow, I don't know how, sped through and wrote like 6 pages. 6 and a half to be exact. And so I was like stuck alone in SC4 doing after everyone had left. I think I broke my writing record though. I actually wrote 3 pages worth of expository with single line spacing in thirty minutes. Then I went to pass the research paper to Mdm Lim at the laboratory and discussed about how our custom-made fermentor would be made before submitting my essay at the general office. I ended up recording the time as 4.30pm zzz. Well submitting on the way to the bus stop at the general office is faster anyway. So urgh, Jordy was gloating that I wrote so little while he managed to squeeze out 3 pages I think. Please...If he thinks the length of the essay is what matters...That just goes to show how incompetent he is in English. Hmph, oh but I gotta hang out with Kevin and Darren more often. It was so fun taking turns asking each other words that some of us didn't know. So I widened my vocabulary again today whee. And during Chinese, Mr. tan was like saying I was making good improvement in Chinese. Ha! Wait till the results of yesterday's test arrive...

Apparently, Mrs Khoo agrees with me and Yan Yu that Jordan is immature. It was so funny. Jordan and Jordy were trying to frame me of commenting that Mrs Khoo's lesson was boring. Thank Gaia Mrs Khoo knew it wasn't me when it was so obviously that Jordan with his convoluted mind full of Devil-knows-what. And then Mrs Khoo said the middle table was for people with a thick layer of oil as the air-conditioner was blasting downwards directly towards that table. Mine incidentally. And so Jordan was shouting to swap seats with Shuin Jian. Obviously to seek attention...Yea, the class laughed and all...No I did not and neither did Yan Yu. He was so mean to make fun of Shuin Jian. So Mrs Khoo was like "don't mind his immaturity Shuin Jian" and me and Yan Yu were laughing because it was the exact topic he had discussed with me last Friday. The immaturity of certain individuals in class...Oh yes, maturity dictates that one should not make fun of others be it body mass or skin colour. I'm never making fun of Leonard of Shuin Jian because of their physical appearance. I don't get what's so worthy of commotion and uproar about Leonard's complexion. I think it's kind of a nice tan. Much better than Jordan's perpetual apparent mix of shades which makes him look like a drug addict cross-bred with a clown. So what if he's darker than most if not all of us. He's much nicer in character and definitely in academics than most of those who insult him so zip it period.

Gah I'm left with English Summary and Chem WS.

Yup I'm still emotional. Found myself contemplating about just giving up involving myself in new friendships during CSC today. Theron's the same, his words as offensive as his mind is contaminated. I successfully made myself look evil in Jordan and Jordy's eyes. And Chiong Jiat was asking me if I tended to offend the people around me. I told him only if they were retards like *censored*. Then I said "You didn't hear me say that". And buying express lunch today was a most revealing experience. Si Heng was right next to me and I said hello. I made eye contact with him...No response. Maybe I was too soft? Maybe he responded by I didn't hear him? I don't know...And I don't know if I care anymore...It's always the same indifferent look everytime I walk past him. It's scary how someone you know for two years is still a total stranger...N'est-ce pas? And Zi Jian has started a feud with me I think. Because I didn't help him in English. NOTE "didn't". I did NOT refuse. If you need help you should come to be. Be proactive. He just asked for help and then sms me saying that I was not helping him and during Chinese lesson and it ended with dots. Evidently a threat. But really, I'm busy enough myself and I'm expected to GO over to offer assistance? All fall down...Really hope Wei Ze comes back soon from Bei Jing...I thought I could cope myself...But without a true sincere confidant...I'm crumbling...

The world's a stage like Xu Jun said...

That's why all I do is act...

I faked being sick today...Guess I really am.

Maybe Theron's right...It's called love? L'amour?

No one shall remove my mask,

Except myself.

Dark Memories[6:24 PM]

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