Wednesday, February 20, 2008
The test week is not going well at all.
Physics: 6 marks deducted. Finished paper.
Economics: Barely finished paper. Skimpy answers towards the end.
Chemistry: 1 mark deducted. 5 marks worth of blanks. 1 bonus question answered.
This is horrible. If I don't get 80% for Chemistry, I can give up my exemption. Plus...Biology's already a B3/A2, so that's goodbye to the exemption unless they count by average percentage. Really hoping for English exemption and the impromptu test sprung upon us is tomorrow. Bright side, I don't need to study so I can focus on my Mathematics which is what I should be doing now. Chinese is definitely non-exempt-able. As for IHC, I'd love to be exempted with a teacher such as Miss Sunita but I think the school system prohibits IHC exemption. As for IHE, I don't think there's an exam anyway. Physics...Hopeless at this rate of "independent learning". So that's basically the summary of this week...I have no self-discipline. I procrastinate in homework and studying. And now I have to pay...I guess I must learn to prioritise or I'll be the last in class very soon. That's about it for today. Yadda yadda boring post.
Dreaming of what could be, and if I'd end up happy, I would pray.
Not doing well...Si Heng practically ignores me...I said I would kill Guo Xin yesterday...I couldn't smile genuinely when Chen Yang greeted me...I must try to change myself. But however I try...It's not that simple...Yes, I can endure your witty sarcasm...blatant insults...physical punishment even...I'm not afraid of all that...But I think I was still affected by all these...I've drawn back...Become more conservative...And I am thankful for primary six and secondary school that provided me with opportunities to stand out more. But still...I'm unsure of myself...Cautiousness isn't bad...But I know I just have low self-esteem. As much as I try to become more sociable...My conservative side kicks in...Willingness to trust is obstructed by the fear of being hurt...Conversations become overrun with sarcastic remarks...Concern...Restrained completely...And I revert to being silent again...How can I change? How do I find the courage to open up? And always at this point when I ask myself this question...I laugh bitterly to myself...You simply don't. That's what the voice in my head says. And I follow, in fear of being ridiculed...being hurt...taken advantage of...Isn't apathy the best policy? Or you'll be swarmed by so many emotions you'll...I don't know...I don't want that anymore. I'll bottle them up, sort them accordingly and store them...Until a point whereby I can't take it...I'll breakdown. I'll break, let the contents flow out and transform them into writing inspiration.
That being said...I think I need to write soon...
Dark Memories[9:08 PM]
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